Don’t fix it- embrace it!

It’s hard when someone, especially someone close to you, is going through a “suffering” (physical, mental or emotional). No one is able to walk in their shoes. No one understands better, than that person, what they are going through. We can and are called to walk along side and be of support to them. We can and will help try to ease the “suffering” or even try to help understand the WHY. We naturally want to “fix” the suffering or at least figure out what will fix it. Maybe, there isn’t always a “fix” or an answer so to speak. Maybe, just maybe the best thing for us and the other person is to just … LISTEN. It’s hard. It’s hard in many different ways especially, while knowing there is nothing you can do to take away what they are going through, now you have a cross created from their cross. Let’s accept the reality that sometimes, “It is what it is”. There is so much to learn in the act of being, in the act of listening.

My grandmother, in the recent years, started having more health issues that really didn’t have a “cure” or even a “cause” or “root”. Doctors did the best they could by applying a band-aide for the issues. There was no overall healing taking place. This is common with most elderly people. They are human and deserve to have the best quality of life, as possible, and the same care just as the next. I would visit my grandmother often. I found that my view of her changed which is probably natural when someone is nearing the end. I would see her sitting in her chair, her beloved chair or lying in bed. I would look at her and see this beautiful (“powdered”, “perfumed”, “hair-sprayed hair”, “old fashioned”) woman who, taught us to not give up, never missed a birthday or anniversary, took care of everyone, is now needing all of us to take care of her. She is needs us to remind her to not give up. We all knew and she knew as well that she was nearing the end of her life. No one knew when. No one knew how. There was no fix or cure. There was only a need for walking or supporting her during the suffering by providing comfort and listening.

As the quote above states, “It’s through our crosses where we learn and grow the most”. This is so very true. How often is it that we question and search endlessly for an “answer” only to find there is rarely a, “fix it all”, answer. If we stop trying to constantly “get out” but rather embrace or “live it” we may find this is the “answer”. Our very experience of suffering or supporting the person suffering is in fact mean to be. All that we see and do during this process teaches us so we can grow and learn then finally will blossom. There is always a kind of light that shines or peeks through and it is our job to navigate past the obstacles to reach that light. The cross or the suffering may never go away but the hope is that one day we will learn to live along side it. What better way for us to remember where we can from, how we persevered and had determination is what lead us to where we are at this very moment.

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